Whoever designed this bill is an asshole.

“Ban Human Fetuses in Food, Lawmaker Says”

No Stem Cell Soup for you!

You know what really makes hilariously named Oklahoma state senator Ralph Shortey (R, Oklahoma City) an asshole? His proposed law is a job killer, that’s what!

Okla State Senator Ralph Shortey wants to deprive us of that sweet, sweet baby flesh.

So much for those hipster food carts in Tulsa, slingin’ Umbilical Stew. Time to take Foreskin Falafel off the menu. Say goodbye to the Ten Tiny Toes Charcuterie Platter. And that Etsy shop you were planning to open to sell your homemade Artisan Pickled Fontanelles? Not gonna happen.

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2 comments
  1. maffei said:

    If only elected officials had to keep time sheets…

    “What did you work on today?”

    “I’m not entirely sure if there are any companies doing this, but the fact is that there is a potential that there are companies that are using aborted human babies in their research and development of basically enhancing flavor for artificial flavors. And if that is happening — because it is a possibility — and if it’s happening, then I just don’t think it should even be an option for a company. So I spent the last several weeks crafting a bill to make sure that doesn’t happen. Because it could.”

  2. CO said:

    Companies should be banned from making crib mattresses out of cat hairballs. So I’m crafting a bill to make sure that doesn’t happen. Because it could.

    Companies should not be allowed to mix human mucus into fruit smoothies. So I’m crafting a bill to make sure that doesn’t happen. Because it could. I’m lookin’ at you, Jamba Juice.

    Companies should not have the option of outsourcing customer service calls to the Taliban. So I’m crafting a bill to make sure that doesn’t happen. Because it could.

    Companies should be prohibited from lining humidifiers with fungal spores. So I’m crafting a bill to make sure that doesn’t happen. Because it could.

    Companies should be banned from driving pressurized water into shale deposits in order to extract natural gas from deep within the earth, poisoning the groundwater and setting people’s faucets on fire. So I’m crafting a bill to make sure that doesn’t happen. Because it could. Oh, wait a minute…

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